When the football players show up, it’s clear Lenny’s Halloween Party will be a success. That doesn’t mean everything will go smoothly, though, and especially not for Donnie. Be sure to read part 1 if you haven’t already, and then check out DIE on Cannibal Halfling Radio for another story. If you’re more interested in commentary than characters, though, be sure to check out Seamus’s In-Depth Review.

[Content Warning: This section of the story contains some mild sexual content, and casual homophobia like any of you who went to high school in 2003 probably heard regularly.]

Around 8, the party was getting towards its official start time. No one actually shows up at the beginning, so the gamers and the chess club were loafing around while Jason ran interference on the beers so no one got drunk too soon. At 8:05, there were headlights that crested the driveway. A Chevy Suburban disgorged six football players who quickly made their way inside. Leading the way was the quarterback, Curtis, who while being the smallest of the six was still three inches taller and three inches wider than Donnie.

“Yooo!” Curtis hollered. “Expeditionary Force is here! And we’ve got Jason! And Shifty!” Donnie paused confused, but Curtis still gave him a bro hug.

“…Shifty?” Donnie asked. Curtis held up one finger, indicating for him to wait, and pointed the other football players towards the kitchen. Then he turned back to Donnie.

“Yeah,” Curtis said. “So like, you’re a social butterfly, right? You hang out with everyone and play guitar and shit. Not varsity cool, but still a legit kind of cool. Anyways, we wanted to call you Butterfly but thought that sounded a little gay and like, I didn’t know if that would be offensive or not? I’m not, like, a gay basher or anything. But that song Butterfly was done by that band Crazy Town and their lead singer is named Shifty Shellshock! Isn’t that wild?”

“Uh, Curtis,” Donnie said. “No offense but Crazy Town is terrible.” Curtis nodded knowingly.

“Oh for sure,” he said. “But the song rips, and we call you Shifty because you’re a bro!”

“…Thanks,” Donnie said. “Wait. What are your costumes?”

“Football players, bro! Try to keep up,” Curtis said. Donnie realized they were wearing their uniforms as Curtis went into the kitchen to grab a beer. Whether this was a great start or a terrible one, Donnie was completely unsure. As he began walking towards the kitchen, Jason saw him and his confused expression.

“Shifty is a way better nickname than floater,” Jason laughed. Donnie nodded.

“Can’t argue with you on that one,” he said.

By 9, the party was in full swing. Several more cars filled the driveway, but before long everyone was walking, coming up the drive from other clandestine parking spots like Donnie’s or possibly just the side of the road. The football team was joined by the cross-country team, chess club and robotics clubs were joined by the theater geeks, and the student council came out in full force. Donnie spied Gracie coming through the door around 9, and looking around in surprise. She was wearing a short skirt, fishnets, and a crop top, all black, and all tied together by a cat ear headband. After spying Donnie, she walked over and gave him a quick glare.

“Okay floater, this is pretty good,” she said. “Send my compliments to the nerds. And get your eyes back up here, pervert.”

“Right,” Donnie said. “Uh, nice costume.” Gracie smirked.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” she said.

Jason and Donnie had brought a number of Donnie’s CDs; he had DJ sets from all over Europe, and while it wasn’t what was normally played at dances, it went over like a house on fire. There was beer pong in the kitchen, PDA in the conversation pit, and about a hundred and fifty kids in the house. Lenny had a solo cup in hand and was talking with some of the cross country team; he looked like he was having a great time. Antonio and Bella were in the conversation pit, sucking face in a way Donnie wished he hadn’t seen. Billy was with the chess and robotics nerds, acting haughty but looking like he was having a good time too. And Jason was finally crossing the streams and hanging out with his jock friends and nerd friends at the same time. He’d blame the alcohol the next day, but for now Donnie would take it.

At some point someone took out Donnie’s CD and put in 50 Cent, and then everyone started dancing. Donnie took this as an excuse to get a beer, and headed to the kitchen. Curtis was playing beer pong with another football player, and clapped Donnie hard on the back.

“Great party, bro,” Curtis said. “You should come hang!”

“Thanks, man,” Donnie said. “Hang when?”

“I dunno,” Curtis said. “Like, whenever. There another party, I’ll hit you up. Bring your nerd buddies too, they’re all right.” Donnie nodded, chuckled, and grabbed a beer from the fridge. He had barely pulled the tab when Curtis grabbed him again.

“Oh shit Shifty, look!” he said, pointing to the dance floor. Gracie and Jason were in the middle of the room, grinding up on each other. Jason must have seen Curtis’s animated reaction, because he looked in their direction for a split second and gave a resigned smile.

“Brooo,” Curtis said. “Jason’s getting some!” Donnie looked back across the floor, and just in time. Gracie went in to kiss Jason, and Jason pulled away. She tried one more time, but he pulled back entirely. They began talking, though Donnie couldn’t hear a thing. She got angry, he got angrier, and then she stormed off away from the general direction of the kitchen. Jason walked back towards Curtis and Donnie, looking unhappy.

“What happened, man?” Curtis asked.

“Dancing is fun but I don’t…I don’t like her like that,” Jason said. He pulled a beer out of the fridge; Donnie looked at him knowingly and they clinked their cans.

“Dude!” Curtis said. “You could have totally gotten laid tonight.”

“It’s not what I want,” Jason said.

“Dude! What’s wrong with you!” Curtis said, getting louder. “The vampire kid is going to lose his virginity before you!” Jason chuckled at having said the same thing earlier.

“You know what? I’m OK with that,” Jason said. Curtis put his hands up in mock defeat, and went back to the two other football players now playing beer pong. Donnie scanned the party, but didn’t see Gracie anywhere.

“Uh, I’m going to go find her,” Donnie said. “Did you, like, say anything to piss her off?”

“I just said ‘no’,” Jason said, grimacing. He was visibly angry. Donnie nodded slowly.

“Go find Lenny,” Donnie said. He looks like he’s having a great time, and he’s not trying to kiss anyone.” Jason was about to protest, but stopped himself.

“That’s a good idea,” Jason said. He took a slug of his beer, then made a beeline for Lenny on the other side of the house. He and the cross country team were trying to make a human pyramid; Donnie silently thanked Martin for removing the fragile items from the kitchen.

Donnie walked outside. The fall air had a bite to it at this time of night; a bit of wind was cooling things down further and picking up fallen leaves which were scattered all over the yard. He saw Gracie out by the pool; it had already been closed for the season but she was sitting on the edge of a lounge chair with her arms crossed.

“What the fuck are you doing here, floater?” Gracie said. There was still a quiver in her voice; her eyes were red but she wore expensive makeup so it didn’t look like it had been running at all.

“I just wanted to see if you were OK,” Donnie said. “I saw you storm out.”

“Well, you can stop pretending to care,” Gracie said. “I know you hate me, and I don’t blame you.” Donnie groaned, and he sat down on the next lounge chair.

“I don’t hate you!” he said. “I mean, yeah, I don’t like you. But like, maybe just stop calling me fucking floater and look how much everything will improve!”

“Fine,” Gracie said. “…Donnie.”

“Thanks,” Donnie said. “If you must go on with the nicknames, I like Curtis’s better.”

“What’s that?” Gracie asked.

“Shifty,” Donnie said. “Because he knows that I’m a social butterfly, but the only ‘non-gay’ butterfly-related thing he could think of was the song Butterfly by Crazy Town. And their lead singer’s name is-”

“Shifty Shellshock,” Gracie said, laughing. “That band is fucking terrible.”

“I know!” Donnie said. “But honestly, I was weirdly honored at the number of hoops he jumped through to get at that one.”

“Why does Curtis know the name of the lead singer of Crazy Town?” Gracie asked.

“Why do you know the name of the lead singer of Crazy Town?” Donnie asked.

“Don’t ask questions you don’t really want answers to,” Gracie said. Donnie looked back up towards the house; hearing the 50 Cent album still going. From the outside it seemed like there were even more kids in there; as it was probably half the grade had come out for the party. Donnie quickly flipped open his phone; there were no texts, no code word from Jason indicating things had gone wrong. He looked back at Gracie, and she looked at him.

“Do you…do you want to go for a walk?” Gracie asked. “I don’t really want to go back to the party right now.” Donnie looked at her, then looked back at the house. There was a lump in his stomach, but it passed.

“Sure,” Donnie said. “You’re not going to kill me or get blackmail material out of this, right?” Gracie chuckled humorlessly.

“I suppose I deserve that,” she said.

“One more thing,” Donnie said. He had gotten up from the lounge chair, and Gracie did the same.

“What?” Gracie asked.

“Take my coat. I have a hoodie underneath and you look absolutely freezing,” Donnie said.

“Oh. Thanks,” Gracie said. She took the coat and bundled it around her; it was too big to fit but she already looked more comfortable. “This smells like…cedar and patchouli? Hiding the weed smell much, Shifty?” Donnie laughed.

“That’s just how my parents keep their house,” Donnie said. “I don’t actually smoke, I just like the Grateful Dead.” Gracie rolled her eyes, and started walking around the house to the driveway. Donnie followed, still a little unsure if he wanted to keep talking with her or just make sure he’d get his coat back.

They walked down the driveway and along the street, passing a long line of cars that stretched down the cul-de-sac from the Spaulding residence. Donnie led the walk at first, going back to his car near the park. As he had guessed it was joined by others belonging to his classmates.

“All part of your pervy plan?” Gracie asked. She was watching him insert the key into his car’s rear driver-side door.

“Hardly,” Donnie said. “I’m just cold.” He pulled out another jacket from his backseat, then closed the door and locked the car back up.

“You know it’s less chivalrous if you have a jacket too,” Gracie said. She was actually smiling a little bit under the snark.

“Yeah, but more comfortable,” Donnie said. “My Mom was always afraid I’d get stuck in a blizzard, so she always insisted I take an extra coat in my car. There’s sometimes these weird corner cases where it’s useful.”

“Like when your school’s queen bitch somehow befriends you temporarily,” Gracie said.

“You said it, not me,” Donnie said. “Where do you want to go?”

“If you’re not anxious to get back to the party, there’s a 7-11 about half a mile back towards town,” Gracie said. “Munchies sound good.” Donnie nodded in assent, and they began walking down the road.

One thing about this part of town was that there were no sidewalks. Odd, considering the wealth of the area, but less so when you consider that everyone above the age of 16 had a car. Donnie and Gracie were walking in a culvert on the side of the road, jumping halfway into the woods whenever they saw headlights. The lights at the intersection were visible in the distance, but it was still a bit of a walk from where they were. Gracie turned to Donnie.

“Why don’t you smoke weed?” Gracie asked. “Not like it’s going to kill you.”

“I just don’t want to,” Donnie said. “I, ah, my parents both smoked when they were in college. They stopped, but I saw my Dad stoned, once. Made me never want to touch the stuff.”

“What happened?” Gracie asked.

“He had just been having a shit time at work,” Donnie said. “One of his old friends still had a hookup, so he got a dimebag for the first time in twenty years, pulled his piece out of the memory box, and lit up, smoking out the window. When I found him in the living room, he was staring off into space, disconnected from reality. Scared the shit out of me. I was eight, I think?”

“Oh shit,” Gracie said. “My parents never did anything cool like that. Only thing that scared me as a kid was what they said in church.” Donnie nodded.

“So wait,” Donnie said. “Do you smoke weed? Can’t see why you’d care that I don’t if you don’t.”

“Oh, I do,” Gracie said. “And trust me, we’d have been friends a lot sooner if you had a hookup. But yeah. You know what you saw your Dad doing? Staring off into space, disconnected from the world? That’s my favorite part. I put a sticker of a pause button on my stash, because that’s what it feels like to me.” They jumped up the culvert as headlights zoomed past them; Gracie slipped on some leaves but Donnie caught her by the waist. They looked at each other briefly and kept walking.

“What do you need to pause in the world?” Donnie asked. “You seem pretty put together, and you have better grades than me, at least that’s the impression I get.”

“I…” Gracie paused. “I feel like I have to go it alone most of the time. My parents have always pushed me. They love me, sure, but if I tell my Mom I’m struggling she says something like ‘chin up, honey’ or offers to take me on a spa day. It’s not nothing, but like…my Mom’s a brick wall who gives hugs occasionally. And it’s not like…it’s not like I have any friends I can talk to.”

“You?” Donnie asked, incredulously. “You have no friends? You’re the most popular girl in school. Surely you jest.”

“I said that I can talk to,” Gracie said. “Keep up, Shifty. I mean, that’s not how the clique works. Show weakness and someone will screw you over.”

“Surely you have actual friends,” Donnie said.

“I did,” Gracie said. “Bella and I were really good friends. We had middle school sleepovers, all the typical stuff. Then Antonio came along, and she went goth. Suddenly she’s the pariah of the student council, and I’m keeping my distance. And if I’m honest? I wish she hated me. The indifference hurts more.”

“So this is Antonio’s fault?” Donnie asked.

“Oh no,” Gracie said. “She was a goth under the Barbie exterior forever. In the eighth grade she invited me to sleep over the weekend before Halloween and we watched The Crow, of all things. First R rated movie I saw, actually. Point is she was always a goth but also always susceptible to peer pressure. Antonio is just weirdly immune to peer pressure, and it made Bella want to be herself. I know it’s not the party line but, if I’m honest, Antonio seems like a really good guy.”

“He is a good guy,” Donnie said. “He gets swept up into things really easily, which can be weird, but he’s a good guy.”

“Don’t think that’s going to affect me in the future,” Gracie said. “But good to know.”

They arrived at the 7-11 which, given it was nearly 11, was nearly empty. They grabbed slurpees and bags of snacks and fled the fluorescent lights for the equally harsh but more intermittent streetlights outside. There was a wind blowing; at this time of night they felt the first preludes of the coming winter chill. In spite of the air and her fishnets, Gracie sat on a picnic table located off to the side of the store, away from the gas pumps. Donnie joined and they drank their slurpees; the frozen concoctions immediately seemed like a bad idea but they refused to toss what they had paid for and kept drinking and shivering. Gracie snuggled in close to Donnie as they were shivering; he didn’t move away but didn’t put his arm around her either.

“Can I ask you a question?” Donnie said. Gracie nodded.

“What did I do to you to get you to dislike me this strongly over the last two years?” Donnie said. “You’ve embarrassed me in class, gossiped about me to your friends, given me a disgusting nickname…why?”

“You are a floater, Donnie,” Gracie said.

“I’m not the last turd that floats to the top of the bowl, and that’s how everyone thinks you mean it,” Donnie said. He scooched away from Gracie on the picnic table. She, almost aggressively, scooched back closer.

“You are a floater, though,” Gracie said. “You float effortlessly between cliques. The jocks like you, the nerds love you, the stoners respect you, the band and choir nerds like you too. Then, you float through classes too. You know you look like a slacker, Donnie. You know the cops will mistake you for a pothead when you put those stickers on the back of your car. You know you’re good at being you.”

“So?” Donnie said. “I have my priorities. I have some friends. My grades are good enough. I’m no superstar, I’m not popular. I do well, I play RPGs, and I make music sometimes. I have no clique, no girlfriend, and no standing with anyone at this school. I’m glad they like me, I guess.”

“You know what would happen if I put in the amount of effort you appear to?” Gracie asked. “I’d disappear. I’d flunk out, my social life would evaporate, I’d really be nothing. You make it look so easy, and you get to ‘have your priorities’. I bust my ass for four fucking years, claw my way up the class rankings and into the student council, and no matter what I do you’ll be hanging around right there with me and you didn’t even do anything! And now I can’t even hate you!” An awkward silence hung in the air.

“You can’t hate me?” Donnie asked.

“No,” Gracie said. “Because I think I like you.”

“Oh,” Donnie said.

“We didn’t like each other,” Gracie said. “I know you just told me about the party to use my popularity…and I didn’t even care. That’s just how things work. But you were the only one who came out to check on me. No one looked, no one walked to the pool, and-” Gracie glanced down at her phone. “-no one’s texted either. It didn’t occur to me that everyone likes you because you’re actually kind.” The silence continued. Donnie grabbed Gracie’s hand. He could feel her heart racing through the veins in her hands.

They walked back down the road, holding hands, mostly in silence. When they got closer to the road, Gracie pulled Donnie towards the park.

“I think I just want to go home,” Gracie said. “It wasn’t a good night for me until after I left the party in the first place.”

“Sure,” Donnie said. They got to the park, and walked towards Donnie’s car. As they got there, Gracie pulled him down and kissed him. Unlike Jason, Donnie reciprocated, and they kissed longingly, there in the parking lot, until, after what seemed like an eternity, Donnie got a text. It was Jason.

“Uhhhhh everyone’s getting drunk drunk. Where are you?” Donnie read the text in surprise, then showed it to Gracie.

“Typical,” Gracie said. “These parties get so messy. Do you guys have a plan?”

“We have a plan,” Donnie said. “I feel the need to preface this by saying that it is not a good plan.”

“If it’s stupid and it works, it’s not stupid,” Gracie said. “As long as it doesn’t involve going back to that house. I…uh…I’d rather have you here right now.”

“Me too,” Donnie said. “Assuming everything isn’t completely pear-shaped, a text should do it.” He tapped out a message on his phone, hoping the burned CD was still accessible.

“Commence the Australian DnB” was all the message said.

“How will you know if the plan works?” Gracie asked. Donnie shrugged, but no more than 90 seconds later, the two of them began to hear something. It sounded like…synthesizers?

“Is that music?” Gracie asked.

“Yup,” Donnie said.

“Is that…coming from Lenny’s house?” Gracie asked.

“Uh huh,” Donnie said.

“Is this going to generate a noise complaint?” Gracie asked. The bass kicked in, and now they could definitely hear it.

“We need to leave,” Donnie said.

The Camry rolled up to Gracie’s house, not exactly close to Lenny’s but still on the western side of town. Donnie turned off the car, and Gracie noted that all the lights were off.

“No one waited up for me, but that’s pretty normal,” Gracie said. “Means we aren’t in a rush.” She leaned over and kissed Donnie again, and he reciprocated passionately. They were kissing long enough that the Camry’s windows started to fog up. Donnie reached down towards the waist of Gracie’s skirt, and she stopped him.

“I’m sorry,” Gracie said. “I…I don’t know if this can go anywhere.”

“That’s OK,” Donnie said. “We don’t need to do anything else tonight.”

“I…I don’t think it can go anywhere ever, not just tonight,” Gracie said. 

“I…I…OK,” Donnie said. He was feeling numb. Gracie had started to cry again.

“You scared the shit out of me tonight,” Gracie said. “In a good way. I saw another way everything could go, and it looked really good. But I’m still scared.”

“What if it makes you happy?” Donnie asked. He was muted.

“What if it doesn’t?” Gracie said. “I…I’m sorry. I can’t argue about this. I…I’m…I guess I’m just a scared little girl, still.” She got out of the car, and Donnie followed. Before walking into the house, she turned around. She walked back, and returned the coat to Donnie.

“Can I give you a hug?” Donnie asked. Gracie nodded, and they embraced. She squeezed him tightly, and he held her close. She withdrew, still holding his hands for a moment.

“I guess I fucked with your head one last time,” Gracie said. She was half crying, half laughing. Donnie didn’t say anything.

“I’m a coward,” Gracie said. “I’m really sorry. You probably deserve better than me anyway.”

---

Donnie sat in the front seat of his car. It was twenty years later; instead of his Mom’s old Toyota Camry station wagon he had a late-model Honda Accord. Instead of in front of Gracie’s house, he was sitting in front of a small games store one town over from the one he used to live in. It was a little after 9:30, merely 90 minutes after Jason’s reunion game was scheduled to begin. Of course, he felt like he had been in the game for a week. He still wasn’t sure exactly how real everything he experienced was, but it had a real impact on him.

He had become the Fear Knight, and the voice of his fear was Gracie. Two Gracies were his fear; the Gracie of much of high school that antagonized him and wore him down, and the Gracie from the Halloween of 2003, who knew she was unhappy but was too afraid to try anything different. And, as Donnie found out that night, Gracie never tried anything different, staying in the town’s social circles and machinations, and continuing, as near as possible, to build what she built in high school. When he came to town for the reunion, he had harbored deep fears and deep fantasies about seeing her again. After the game, though, he knew none of them would ever come to pass.

Donnie had walked into the store about five minutes ago. They were technically closed, but there was a game night going on so the staff were still there and the store was full. Most of the gamers glanced up only briefly from their miniatures, but one of the staff ran over to see if they could help him out. He grabbed a die from a display at the front of the store. It was a d8, carved out of jade and brilliant green. The staffer rang up his purchase, waving Donnie off happily as he apologized for coming in after closing time.

“It’s no issue at all,” the cashier said. “I have to ask, though, why a d8? It’s a really unusual choice if you’re buying a solo die.”

“It’s meaningful,” Donnie said. “From an old campaign. I’m here for a high school reunion.”

“Ahhh,” the cashier said. “Needed a trinket before reuniting with the old nerds?”

“Something like that,” Donnie said. He thanked the cashier and walked back to his car.

He put the die in the cup holder and looked at his phone. The actual reunion was tomorrow, and Gracie would be there. He hadn’t seen her in twenty years; realistically he hadn’t seen her since Halloween of 2003. They did see each other in the halls occasionally, but they only talked again one more time; at the National Honor Society meeting the week after the party she said again that she was sorry. That was it. After Jason’s game, though, he wasn’t sure what to do. As he sat in the car, he swore he could hear the voice of his fear sword one more time, emanating through the die in the cupholder.

“Don’t be afraid, Donnie. I’m sorry.”

He shuddered; the game had been so real, so visceral. But this was an aftershock, not another inanimate object talking to him. He chuckled. It was complicated, though. Should he go to the reunion, and face his fear of seeing Gracie? Or should he skip the reunion, and face his fear of never seeing Gracie again? He pulled his dice tray out of the bag of books and papers he brought for Jason’s game, and carefully set it on his center console. Then he took the jade d8, blew on it once for good luck, and rolled.

Part 1 of Lenny’s Halloween Party can be read here. Be sure to check out the In-Depth Review, and DIE on Cannibal Halfling Radio!

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